Hugo's World

I have been developing something unique for the past few months post separation struggles being able to read others needs and feeling compassion for other people when I see public messages of someone struggling with depression unable to see the light inside that person and share my stories of hope to make dealing with their own demons a little better.

There is a building not far from me where some people with mental health live and I started opening my heart and smiling to these individuals and there is a particular one that may be in his late 50s, he typically ask for a smoke from now on I always say hi and wish him a best day and when he sees me he waves and smile at me which made feel great.

This action of compassion towards another person is a unique way towards enlightenment in my view and peace. If any of us could open ourselves and see widely our world perhaps we can make a difference in someone.

https://videopress.com/v/yA3qIJ1A?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&preloadContent=metadata&useAverageColor=true

Yesterday I decided to ride my bike for a little while along the lake here in Toronto to get back to my routine post ice hockey injury of last April.

On the way back I saw along the way 3 people in a tent who welcomed me for a talk as a friend and we interchanged ideas. They were protesting against a government policy that targets our environment and the quality of life of many aboriginal communities in the province.

When I shared my crypto scam story with them I felt a unique support and compassion, then one of them shared her experience on residential schools, a terrible genocide that thousands of aboriginal survivors unfortunately are currently coping with alcohol, drug abuse and suicides due to the nonsense of bringing people to christian values instead of this thousands of them were abused and traumatized by a system that didn’t value human rights.

During this unique chat, I also shared the story of my homeless friend Randy who inspired me to move forward sharing my story and promote mental health awareness and I realized that we typically judge others without opening our hearts to many who suffer in silence with depression, mental illnesses, etc.

Being honest with myself sharing my challenging experiences and how resilient I am makes feel that inspiring others is a unique sense of care for this world, I may not changed the entire world but if I can change one person it means an entire world.

Some people may think that I have the guts to write about the reality of our public system in Ontario and how deeply impacted me on my mental heath.

The Covid lockdown affected dramatically many children across the world and in our province of Ontario in Canada, we had a lockdown for almost a year that affected the behaviour of many specially children.

2020 was the Coronavirus year and my family suffered , my ex partner who already started developing some health symptoms had reactions to the pilot vaccine that without much testing was delivered across Canada.

During that time the mood of my son changed and the signs of anxiety were very obvious post lockdown when things were supposed to be normal.

After many diagnoses and visits to specialists privately most of them, my son was diagnosed with mild autism and ADHD.

Many people judge families of kids with disabilities and they don’t have any freaking idea of how challenging is to understand these kids behaviour, keep your sanity as a parent and move forward with your daily work trying to survive on a non very friendly affordable place like Toronto.

The reality is that public services are only designed for average people and without external support from others families can not afford the cost of supporting a child with special needs.

It is interesting to see many good comments that we are in a very multicultural place with opportunities which some are accurate in my view but some are not totally realistic specially towards inclusive access for people with disabilities like my son and health issues like my ex partner.

There is a mental toll on a parent and partner dealing with both and in cases like mine the only healthy and survival choice was to step aside then supporting my ex and my kid but living on my own to cope with life and these challenges.

After several months of post separation and post crypto scam it is obvious that someone like me was a very easy target to a scammer to steal my savings due to my vulnerability.

Certain things in life are tough to digest and fully understand but for people like myself make us more resilient to move forward with our lives and careers despite social judgments we faced.

The sky is the limit and if I can move forward from the dirt of my own demons, everyone can do it one day at a time to find peace and compassion with others.

Getting back to a small apartment on my own after more than 15 years it is a huge change in my life post separation from my ex, having my son and dog with her.

As many other individuals through this challenging journey, I have been adjusting slowly day by day writing my priority list, starting with my daily meditation, walking to my ex to take my rescued dog for his first walk, chores, work, being open to find time to myself to be social again with new people and a small circle of real friends which i can count with one hand an accurate number.

After 7 months since I decided to stepped out dealing with loneliness is an everyday battle some days are easier than others.

A great discovery has been my awareness of pain from others everyday and how our society is still resisting to look into mental health awareness and distractions are either making money $ or look for an easy recipe in social media such as the now famous cheating affair of a CEO and his partner in a Coldplay concert that has been posted everywhere and it has been a distraction and entertainment to our society with a lot of hypocrisy towards people.

By the way, unfortunately cheating affairs are everyday business and the bottom line is unhappiness of individuals that decide to stick together to unhealthy relationships only because of human excuses such as $ or children.

The choice to find healing in loneliness stage is not easy but the choice is from everyone to stop the internal bleeding of unhappiness and find yourself slowly one day at a time.

On May 18, 2017 a big shocking news came up regarding the death of Chris Cornell , a famous 90s musician who committed suicide. I was his follower since 1994 when I listened a very popular album of his most famous band Soundgarden. I read and followed Chris’s journey of life over the years, loving his musical talent; however there were also news about his rehab and battles with drugs.

Unfortunately all the fame that he had was not enough for him to continue living and his internal struggles could do more. As a huge it impacted me his passing; however his music is always alive showing his unique talent.

I believe that the message from this story can be that no matter of how rich and famous we are; mental health is the key element to find stability in our lives and peace.

We may have good and some dark days but we always need to look for support and ask for help and we don’t need to put the trigger to end our lives because life gives us the opportunity of a next day and the decision is only ours.

Since I decided to share my struggles post separation and crypto scam I have been receiving very unique feedback from colleagues, industry peers and friends.

It is an amazing feeling that somehow my honest words have been digested by people with open arms, inspiring some of them to move forward with their own struggles.

In our small world that success is measured by material possessions, comparing ourselves with a sports star, a singer, a multimillionaire businessman, etc. my stories are like an oasis in a desert.

When I walk towards the big park closer to my apartment , it makes me realize that little birds, ducks, etc. have a simple way of living and we (humans) deal with big emotions. Perhaps the answer to our troubles is looking at these creatures on their simplicity, being aware of the wonderful world we have and the lucky we are to have a new day feeling that we are connected with each other.

I have been feeling more focused and self motivated since I made public my struggles post separation of few weeks ago.

It is a sincere relief of a huge baggage of pain within myself. Fortunately now I am glad that the healing process is on its way towards enlightenment one day at a time.

I also decided to start a more personal writing of my personal stories for subscribers to help everyone with my personal experience confirming that mental health is a priority despite any challenges that currently anyone is facing.

During my personal challenging time to get divorced from an ex partner I found many lessons and personal responses of resilience during this storm.

First at all, the bitterness of some common people who decided to pick a side and they are completely gone of my life.

Secondly, there is no guide to have a smooth separation from an ex partner with a child that applies to everyone. In other words, after my difficult experience I can recommend that having a strong supportive group helps to share your experience and mitigate the painful feelings of the old memories.

There are days that I am fine and others not that great but having an everyday routine plan to avoid depression and having a therapist to check on you it is something extremely important.

In my experience, the separation healing is tough but needed to find ourselves back from where we belong and we do not need to pretend happiness with someone, the cost is very high but I believe there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and the final path to get enlightenment is within me and anyone who is going through a separation.

As part of my healing process and my everyday meditation I am allowing myself to feel compassion for the pain of others. Our society doesn’t want to see the real face of cities where homeless people live begging for change and attention.

I crossed the common border line few weeks ago when I decided to talk to Randy and spoke with him as an old friend sharing my struggles post separation and scam and he shared his story of how he became homeless which made me feel compassion for another human being and see the story of a pain that typically we don’t wanna listen.

Randy is a unique individual with pros and cons like any of us but most of us are lucky to have a roof to lay down every night when we are tired. This individual chose the streets due to the circumstances of his experience post separation of his last partner and his everyday living struggles.

Next time when we see a homeless around us it may be best to ask ourselves why is the reason that this person became a homeless, perhaps a big loss, sexual abuse, etc.

At the end I believe that we have the answer within us and see ourselves as part of only one human community that despite religion, ethnic background, we are connected with each other and we can feel the pain of others and perhaps next time when we see a homeless we can share some food or just say hi. These individuals live in the streets for a reason, they are in a deeper hole of struggles than us and we should feel compassion and kindness and not trying to cover the sun with one finger and think that they don’t exist.